Today is the official day I begin my campaign to have the letter “S” formally accepted as a consonant AND a vowel. Yes, it’s true. Look how many ways “S” attains vowel status as well as already having superior alphabet status:
- Spell “S”: es=S. See what I mean?
- It take the place of “i “ in the contraction “it’s.” Some will make the futile argument that it’s the contraction’s apostrophe that replaces the “i,” but where would the apostrophe be without an “s”?
- Vowels are euphonious; “s” is not only euphonious, you cannot even say the word euphonious without an “s.”
- “S” is the most used consonant in the alphabet. In fact, it is so much used that the word alphabet grudgingly refuses to use an “s” in its own spelling.
- There are audio production devices so afraid of the mighty “s” that they try (but fail) to tone down the sibilants of the mighty “s” sound through technology that is no match for the “s.” (The great irony is that sibilants has two “esses”—Ha!)
- Other consonants cannot compete with the mighty “s.” Not the harsh “k,” which sounds like crap; not the “d,” which sounds dorky; not the “t,” which is virtually the most uptight of all the letters. (Do you see that even the wordz“letters” ends in “s”? One cannot invoke anything that is more than one without using an “s”! It virtually rules the Land of Many, More, and Lots! Sure, words like sheep would sound ridiculous with an “s,” but that’s not the esses fault. Blame the sheep!
- “C” is entirely dependent on the “s,” even though it degrades itself by wanting to be a “k” half the time. I swear “c” is on crack!
- One cannot say “say” without an “s.” Otherwise we’d all be from Canada (I’m from Canada, so I can say that. Canada regrets there is no “s” in Canada.)
- Finally, “Wheel of Fortune” would be called “Wheel of Misfortune” if there were no esses.
So, join with me in supporting “S is Also a Vowel. It’s the Law!” campaign. Sing the mantra: 🎶 🎼 : AEIOU, sometime Y and W, but now more than ever, S. 🎵
(Thanks to A. Andrew and Eric Rassmussen for, once again, letting me exploit their art.)
